Almost everyone is nervous and unsure about how to ask for a second date. Should you send some hints or ask directly or should you try to corner him or her or wait for them to ask you?
Assertiveness behaviour involves taking the initiative, rather than waiting for something to happen. If you say nothing, nothing is probably what you will get. And if you handle the situation in a more assertive way, the other person will respect you not only for asking but for being proactive.
Here are some guidelines for handling this sticky situation. Each man or woman is different and may require some adjustments:
1. Think assertively, act assertively right from the beginning. If you think, Oh! I am really a strong person once he or she gets to know me the odds are that day will never come. You will never make it to the second or third date.
2. Subtly and slowly introduce the subject. In the course of the date, ask things like, “What’s your typical day like?” And if he or she seems to have a really busy schedule casually ask, “Do you ever have any days off during the week?”
3. When you’re saying the good-byes you could also say, “Let me give you my cell number just in case we can’t find each other.” Give your number then ask, “Do you have a cell number?”
4. If the date goes well, don’t wait for the other person to call you – let them know you had a good time. Call him or her that night if possible just say you had a good time. If your date had an enjoyable time too, you are one step ahead.
5. Make the phone call short. Don’t undo the positive impression you had succeeded in creating by clinging on the line.
6. Depending on your confidence level, call him or her to see if they’d be interested in meeting again. More confident people usually do not mind calling the next day because they are confident they made a good impression and the person will most likely want to see them again. If you have doubts about whether or not he or she is attracted to you, then you might want to wait for a reasonable time (two to three days) before you call.
7. Be brief, clear and specific: “Would you like to go on another date with me? Or “Would you like to play tennis on Thursday? It’d be fun!” or “I volunteer at Children’s Hospital on Saturdays. I’d like you to come with me”. Asking in this way is typically assertive but also non-threatening, and respectful.
8. Do not expect the other person to give you an answer right away. He or she might want to think about it or check their schedule. If he or she says no (their right) there is nothing lost and no harm done if you ask assertively.
9. Do not apologize for asking. If you respect other people’s right to say “no” and do not see it as a personal attempt to somehow degrade or reduce your worth, then you will find it easier to ask without fear of being refused.
The focus of Assertive Dating is to balance relationships, not control them; to gain esteem from oneself, not approval from others; to possess “power to,” not “power over.
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Assertive Dating – How Do You Tell Him Or Her You Want More?