Since you’re viewing this as “winning” her back, that implies that you lost her. And chances are very good that you lost her by doing something really dumb.
So how can you make up for your mistakes and get the girl back? Here’s some simple suggestions.
Approach Her Again Only When the Time is Right
If she’s very hurt or angry, you might have to put your plans on hold for the time being. Be patient and don’t fret; this is to your advantage as it only gives you more time to ponder how you will initiate your next series of moves.
How will you know when it’s time? You’ll probably just feel it instinctually. When in doubt, give it six weeks.
Understand the Huge Importance of that First Conversation
Once you’ve let some space ease the tension and anger between the two of you, it’s time to attempt contact again.
Give her a phone call, leaving a message with your intentions in a very kind tone on her voicemail if she doesn’t pick up. Try to make her laugh on the voicemail as well.
If she does answer the phone, be direct. Ask her to meet you for lunch, and tell her you have some things you’d really like to tell her.
In the event she flat-out refuses to meet you, then at least you have her on the phone for the moment. Use the opportunity to say some things that you would have said at your lunch meeting: you miss her, you’re sorry for… (give specific examples of what you are offering apologies for), you can’t forgive yourself for screwing things up, etc.
But before all of this, put her needs first. Ask how she is doing and what she’s up to in her life. And listen to her responses. You’ll get some needed information, and hopefully get her to open up to you at the same time.
Turn it Up a Notch if the Phone Conversation Didn’t Go So Well
If she cussed you out, hung up on you, etc., then clearly you still have some amends to make with this girl.
Think about how much you want her back; if you decide that you love her and have to be with her again, then realize that you’re going to have to go all the way and rough it out for a while during the re-initiation process. This will not be easy, and you will have to spend a lot of time and money with no guarantee whatsoever that you will end up with the results you want.
If you’re OK with those facts, turn up the heat a bit. Start with the old standby: having gifts delivered to her. This eliminates her getting angry with you directly, but keeps you in her life so you will not be forgotten. She won’t cuss out a flower arrangement or jewelry. Be creative, think of what she would love to receive, and send it to her home or office.
Never underestimate the power of gifts! You can’t buy a woman’s affections permanently, but it sure does help you get back in her good graces faster if you SHOW her that you can’t stop thinking about her and you’ll do anything to make it work.
Be Relentless, in a Cute and Endearing Way
Don’t let up on your efforts. Add personal art and expressions of your affections and remorse (a poem, a drawing, etc); mix these in with your material gifts. It’s a combination few women can resist.
Basically, do things that your buddies will make fun of you for. They don’t have to know, obviously, but you know it’s something that might work if you can picture your boys ripping into you for being so sensitive and romantic.
Without being stalker-ish, you can turn up the cuteness factor and try to charm her back into your arms. Let her know through actions and not actual words that you aren’t going to give up easily and you’ve only just begun your efforts to win her back.
Make Sure You’ve Changed
If you eventually get her to start hanging out with you again, all of your efforts will still have been worthless if you exhibit the same behavior patterns that made her leave you to begin with.
So think about it now and how you’re going to fix those things she didn’t like. If you flirt with other women and have a wandering eye, it is highly advised that you seek ways to remedy that immediately.
Maybe you have a tendency to drink too much and be mean while intoxicated. If this is true, start going to A.A. meetings for answers and some guidance. You don’t have to refer to yourself as an alcoholic or anything like that, although if you are then admitting it out loud would be like a steel beam being lifted off your spine.
Drop the “L Word”
This is something you definitely want to do if you never told her that you loved her before. Don’t plan it, and don’t make it seem forced.
Obviously, you do love her if you’re willing to jump through all the hoops to get to this point. So keep that in your heart and in the back of your mind. When the time is right to say it, you’ll know.
Don’t Get Lazy!
Ok, so you won her back. Congratulations! Now don’t screw it up!
Just because she’s your girl again doesn’t mean you can be lazy and fall back into Crappy Boyfriend Mode. She was willing to give you another shot because of the kindness and attention you lavished her with, so don’t just stop doing those things. They are your bread and butter.
This doesn’t mean that you have to be a sugar daddy or anything silly like that. Just be there for her anytime she needs you, and be considerate of her needs.
You’re happy that you won her back, and you can make her happy everyday by being a good guy and the boyfriend she deserves.