So, your relationship is going great. She calls you all of the time just to say she loves you. She texts you throughout the day just to let you know she’s thinking of you with one of those rather corny “someone cares about you” messages that’s obviously been forwarded thousands of times all around the world. But, what’s that? You suddenly haven’t heard from her in the past two days? Are you thinking, “my girlfriend just disappeared?”
Let me tell you first that you are definitely not alone in your thoughts. At any given time, you can search the Internet and find countless guys asking the same kinds of questions on popular relationship forums and answer web sites like Yahoo Answers. Whenever something happens in a relationship that seems completely out of the norm like your girlfriend disappearing from existence in your daily life, people tend to wonder what’s up. But, did she really disappear? Or, could you be getting ahead of yourself?
The first thing you need to keep in mind foremost is that just because your girlfriend hasn’t contacted you in a day or two (or even more) doesn’t necessarily mean there is cause for panic, even if it is completely out of the ordinary. It could be nothing at all. Or, it could be that she is simply busy with some obligation of her own. Maybe something has happened, such as a death of a relative, for example, and she just hasn’t felt like talking to anyone right now. It could be any number of perfectly harmless (where your relationship is concerned) reasons why your girlfriend seems to have disappeared at the moment.
If she is the one that usually calls or texts first, then that alone could be the reason you feel like something is wrong when you suddenly don’t hear from her as expected. For you to have to be the one to make the effort to call seems unnatural to you. Why not break the pattern and contact her for a change? You don’t always have to “play it cool,” and wait around for her to make the first move, you know.
Pick up the phone and call. If she doesn’t answer your call or return your text right away, don’t start jumping the gun, assuming that something is up. The fact that she didn’t respond right away could actually just be reinforcing the idea that she is busy or has something out of the ordinary going on in her life that she has to deal with. It doesn’t have to mean that she is avoiding or ignoring you.
If you leave a voice mail or send a text, make sure you don’t overdo it. In other words, you shouldn’t dive straight into the “where have you been” or “what’s going on” messages. Even if her apparent disappearance does have to do with you or your relationship, sending messages like this certainly isn’t going to help you anyway. What a message like this does do, however, is convey insecurity and desperation to your girlfriend, both of which are generally perceived as unattractive traits. She could even get the feeling that you are accusing her of doing something wrong by not responding to you immediately whenever you snap your fingers.
In your first voice mail or text message, you should say exactly what you would normally say if you didn’t feel like there was something wrong. For example, if you often greet her with some form of “Hello” followed by her favorite pet name, then keep it simple just like that. Then, give her plenty of time to respond. And yes, plenty of time is more than five minutes or even half an hour.
After you have tried to make contact in a way that is typical of your own behavior and given her enough time to get back to you, did she respond? If not, you may be asking yourself “is she avoiding me?” If so, my advice is that you should be careful about contacting your girlfriend further, especially to confront her about her absence. Your best bet would be to exercise a great deal of patience and wait for her to call. Give it a day (or three) at least.
However, if you feel that you must contact her to ask her what’s going on, word your message lightly. Ask her if she is doing okay as opposed to a blunt message like “why are you ignoring me?” Otherwise, you could turn a relatively simple situation into one of complications that are not so easy to fix, such as the break up scenario that you were possibly mistakenly already assuming was taking place.